To be honest, last week was probably not THE roughest in my marriage but it was the most enlightening one. Hubby and I had a disagreement caused by my neglect of him while thinking of my own selfish wants. The next day, mentally I finally went back to day one, when I first met Hubby. I remembered how I physically mentally and spiritually felt about him that first day, that first week, those first few months and realized that not only did I not fully feel that way toward him now (I never stopped loving him) but that desire for closeness was barely there. I thought over how I had changed over the years and realized that I used to be a much more positive person when I met Hubby. I used to be nicer, sweeter, more courteous, more pleasant to just be around. I’m still that way but in spurts. I know when to be polite in a professional setting but at home, where I feel I can be myself, I don’t watch what I say and how I say it yet I’ll get offended when I’m treated in the same manner. Hubby is not always the most positive person and with me being an emotional chameleon, I latched on to his negativity. The problem with that is that I HOLD negativity whereas eventually Hubby lets it go. Me of all people who lives by the Golden Rule wasn’t seeing that I was getting what I “asked for”. Simple common courtesy goes a long way and when I was more conscious of the fact that Hubby was still the last person I treated respectfully (when in fact he should be one of the FIRST), I immediately snapped back to the good ol’ Lea. He hasn’t mentioned it but I’m sure Hubby has noticed this past week that I’m nicer toward him, trying to help him stay calm, motivated and positive which is making him soften. He’s probably not even aware of how harsh he speaks AT me (not TO but AT me). One thing I can say is that Hubby is truly a man of his word. The least I can do is be a woman of my own word. He needs his wife 100% of the time, not just when I feel like it. I know I’ll be fine if I were single but I wouldn’t be any happier without my Husband. We’re celebrating our 7th wedding anniversary in June. Between now and then, I’ll be writing love notes for him to read on our anniversary where hopefully we’ll be in a memorable setting for him to see that I still love him just as much as he loves me.
*I will always refer to him as “Hubby” to protect his privacy. Don’t get it twisted: he is not a boyfriend or side piece. He is my HUSBAND.